“It’s normal,” She told her self

Every girl does it. Every girl’s curious.

But normal doesn’t leave you shaking, legs weak like jelly, and hands trembling after the tenth time in a day.

Normal doesn’t mean waking up feeling drained, with dry eyes, a pounding head, and the kind of fatigue that sleep never fixed.

She used to wake up fresh, ready for college.

Now, her mornings were sluggish.

Hair tangled. Skin is looking dull. Her eyes lost their spark, her mind with full of thoughts. full of running speedy thoughts….

There were dark circles under her eyes, her hormones were waging a silent war inside her.

Her appetite changed too.

Her periods had become irregular — coming early, then late, sometimes so painful she could barely walk.

sometimes, at any occasion or any time whenever she saw a boy she just felt a heavy uncontrolled urge in her vulva, she knows its not good for her but there is a little part in her brain that teling her to touch her body.

Mentally, she was slipping.

She couldn’t focus on conversations — her mind wandered like a loose kite in the wind.

She forgot things easily. Lost track of tasks.

There was a constant fog in her brain, like she was watching her own life from underwater.

She had become jumpy, anxious, and easily irritated.

The smallest things made her heart race.

Her confidence was gone — she didn’t raise her hand in class anymore, didn’t speak up, didn’t look people in the eye.

and she lost all the aportunities to become the greatest. she was a very ambitious and ready to fight for greatness. But now she is just a cage with bones and flesh.

Of how many times she’d locked the door. Slid under the blanket.

Touched herself not out of pleasure… but because she didn’t know how else to feel something.slowly that becomes her routine and now addiction.

She had developed headaches, neck tension, and a strange sensation of weakness that lingered in her bones — especially after those nights when she did it four, five, six times until her body went limp and her soul felt hollow.

And yet, she couldn’t stop.

Even when her heart whispered, “This isn’t love, this is self-destruction.”

Her body craved the heat.

But her spirit ached for freedom.

“What’s wrong with me?” she whispered into her pillow one night.

“Why can’t I control it?”

But the room stayed silent.

Just like always.

A plant of hope

It’s 5:30 AM, and Manasvi is just looking at the haunting darkness and silence of the world. She is doing meditation and exercise at her terrace.

After that, she is reading something, the bright rays of the sun just reflected from his book. Slowly, a silent world around her becomes chaotic …

Today, she is very happy. She wore her favorite light pink dress and a classic sprinkle of Henry Rose.

She left her room and home with a big smile.

She is going to school with her friends and now she is taking part in a conversation… even she started a conversation about the latest science fiction show.

Its 8:00am at outside a school a group of girls is coming and a group of boys loudly fighting about an IPL match. The group of girls noticed them with without giving them attention, they switched off her phones and put him into their bags….

When Manasvi was switching off her phone her friend Hetvi showed her a poster and she said I am gonna send you this they put their phones and gone for the clasiss..

Today she is absorbing the class like a barren land absorb The water of first rain . after the school she went home today she feels like she is doing everything effort lessly .

After thinking that she is free from that dirty addiction, she regrets all the days and months she wasted in her bed just doing the dirty did.

But now she breaks the fetter. And now she is a little bit overconfident. After dinner, she is in bed with her phone and everything is fine until at 10:00 hetvi sends her a message.

Its a gym reel of a handsome boy and it’s worked as a trigger for the manasvi. Suddenly, she is having an uncontrollable urge to touch her genitals.

She stopped watching phone and tried to sleep but her mind take her to a journy with her crush … and after some time the resistance of manasvi has ended and she get up from her bed and She went to her dressing table and taken a bottle of oil and came back at her bed.

When she sat at her bed, suddenly a thought rose in her mind that she didn’t need to do this …but in front of a lustful urge her thought disappeared like the waves of the sea.

She wet her fingers with oil and She moved her hand to the lower part of her waist…

After some time she lay down on a bed and think I dont want to do it and its last time she never want it . from tommorow she will try her hard …

After some time she started to feel urges again and this time its very very uncontrollable and its overcoming her thinking.

She wakes up feeling completely drained—her body heavy, her thoughts sluggish, her mood unusually low. There’s an ache she can’t quite place like her energy has been quietly stolen overnight.

Now, wrapped in morning silence, she feels distant from herself, weighed down by guilt and confusion. The emotional fog is thick.

She has done it 12 times that night.

She tried to leave this addiction many times but she fails….

This inferno of addiction burned her soul, now there no way to coming back to normal, there no sunrise,there is no one who come to show her a way….

Its a mirage of pleasure and she have to live with it rest of her life.

its a devil’s deal for a second of pleasure with all of the happiness of your life .

day after days, night after night…nothing much changed in manasvi’s life accept her rising extreme addiction.

Warmthness of tears

The sun unfurls its amber silk across the awakening sky, as petals of jasmine blush in its first kiss.

A playful breeze, scented with marigold and mango blossom, dances through dew-laced grasses, heralding vasant’s enchanted dawn.

Its Sunday morning, 5:54 AM , She is lying on her bed with out clothes. She is shivering. large droplet of sweat was soaking her earrings . She was holding her bedsheet tightly with her fists.

Manasvi removed vibrator from her vagina put it side and removed another vibrator from her anal. its normal routine in her life And on top of that, today is Sunday.

She feels relief and she lay down there on her bed. And tries to take a nap.

After that suddenly again she craved it and she want lubricant in her room. She started to find it in her cupboard, and while finding that she found out an old little c scale flute she bought 1 year ago.

She took it in her hand and then threw it roughly into her room She found lubricant and put it in her vulva and started vibrators again.

The beautiful mornings of vasant ritu manasvi spend like this , well vasant is a season of god of love kamdevas season , but manasvi is far Above then self love and closer with Extreme addiction.

At 10:30 AM , she is having her brakfast at her room alone. After breakfast is done, she done it again and again. after the 5 times she craved for more food.

she ordered her favorite chees chilly sandwich. after sandwich, she is lying on her bed like an animal.

It’s been about an hour, she’s not sleeping on her bed, she’s sitting up, she is consuming up extreme p*rn and she also feel the urge.

taken a vibrator and As soon as she sat down, she spread her legs slightly.

While doing this suddenly her eyes stops on The fluet she threw on the Floor………..

with out blink of an eye , in a second, Memories of her past started to pass through his mind, a vortex of regret taken over her……

While she was sitting there She started to cry, big warmth tears fell exactly on her vagina. It seemed as if those hot tears are completely cooling the fire burning inside.  a vibrator in her hand fell down. She fell on the bed crying.

she remembers she very passionately wanted to learn fluet and also she promised herself that in one year she would be a professional flutist.

and all the time she wasted passed threw her eyes. all the improvement work she can do all the great things all of the exploration she can done all that thoughts iritating her And thinking all this, she fell asleep.

After waking up she feels bad and so to remove that feeling she takes a vibrator lubricant and again……

At sunset Rising

She is sitting on the floor A hard silence in manasvi’s room , Lubricant was dripping from her vagina onto the floor.

Her eyes are red and her thoughts are running, she thinks she lost everything in her life.

After sitting for a long time on the floor. She picked up her flute and also burned the fire inside her.

She wrapped up her confidence and she is thinking about her addiction.

She is a science student so she knows and understands about dopamine.

She wears clothes and goes to the library. There she read a lots of books about addiction, research papers, and watched intervention interviews and motivational videos on YouTube.

She returned home at night 1:00 Am. She threw away her vibrators and lubricants.

Next day she woke up and she was decided to leave the addiction but it’s now her routine it’s now in her muscle memory.

In the morning urges are trying to overtake but however she managed.

After one full day of cutting the addiction, she knew that this is not gonne be easy at all.

She made a systems that she follow, she plans to exercise a lot and controll her food. Because she knows that food directly impacts her mind.

But the important thing she accepted is that she have to fight alone, it’s me against me.

She is looking her body in the mirror and regretting that for a second of pleasure I am never going to do this again.

But after a week her body is craving for a habit. Like a person who is hungry for a week and craves for food.

After she instantly stopped her habit of hormonal cycle of her was imbalanced.

When she feels extreme urge, she is not even able to think clearly, each and every thought is telling her to do just for one time.

But she was aware of the extreme and long-term effect of her pleasure.

And she chooses to fight, she chooses to resist.

She chooses to burn down until she overcomes the addiction. Until she becomes free from this bondage.

At night she feels the urges most, and sometimes feels like her body is burning from inside. Sometimes feels like coldness like she is in Antarctica.

Vidroal symptoms are clear……

The pain, the thoughts, the urges, that that pain of not fulfilling it becomes horrific……

But she is still fighting….. And never give up.

Whenever she feels like a defeat she mentally surrenders herself to her art her passion, her flute.

She strives for 100 days and then……

It’s again a morning and 5:54 Am, she is on her bed, a droplet of sweat again soaking her beautiful silver and and red gemstoned earring.

One butterfly comes inside her window, and she is playing her flute…..

Maybe she is free from her past….

Well, happiness from her face telling that.

The only thing in this journey she learns that pain and suffering are permanent in life.

You have to live with that, you have to face it, sometimes or… Most of the time you have to face it alone.

And when you have uplifted yourself, life throws another problem, and facing that makes you more strong and more mature.

Ahhh… Sun is rising….

 

Share This story with who need it most 🙏.